What is Angry Poker?
From time to time, during a game of Follow the Queen, or perhaps Pass The Trash, someone's straight flush gets beat by a better straight flush, or someone like Chris sucks out on someone like Ron on 7th street and extreme anger ensues.
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(AP) Washington, January 2nd, 2001 - A previously ignored condition
has been sweeping the world of poker over the last several years. The
condition, known as Angry Poker, has been estimated to afflict tens
of thousands of people in the United States alone and has spread across
Europe and the Far East. The mode of transmission is not yet known, but
several theories have been discussed amongst historians and researchers
alike.
Historians agree that Angry Poker has been with human kind since the invention of the game, and some suggest a genetic predisposition exists. While this may be true, some players apparently lack the gene that triggers the condition. Professor C. Albert Smythe of Cornell University was funded by the World Series of Poker to do genetic testing of finalists in the 1997 WSOP Championship, and was unable to pinpoint a common gene amongst the participants. However, promising research was begun in 1998 by the Angry Poker Association of America. The APAA has been accessing the human genome project's databases, and last year found a curious link to the animal foot and mouth disease, though the APAA has not had any independent confirmation of their findings. This could have startling consequences, given the recent scare in the European community. CBS's 60 minutes ran a special in June 2000 on Angry Poker and found that numerous outbreaks tended to concentrate in urban areas where gambling was not legal. Their conclusions contradicted the APAA's, indicating an environmental and social linkage versus actual genetic predisposition to the condition. The APAA filed a formal complaint against CBS, and over the following months wound its way to the 11th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals, which was also deeply involved in the 2000 U.S. Presidential Elections. An inside source has confirmed that judges on the court had been stricten with Angry Poker and instead of recusing themselves gave judicial preference to the APAA case over the Bush-Cheney campaign's arguments. The case is pending before the court, with arguments expected to begin in March 2001. A new twelve step group, Angry Poker Anonymous, was formed after the CBS show aired, and local chapters have been springing up around the United States, as well as in remote regions such as Inner Mongolia, which is known for its special derivative poker game with a namesake straight. One such group, known as the 8-2 Club has formed a Maryland Chapter, and has several members who suffer serious symtoms, particularly on Thursday nights. People who play the occasional game of poker should be aware of the risk factors associated with the condition. As of now, its unknown whether the condition is reversible, so special attention should be paid when the following situations occur. Angry Poker seems to affect poker players when a recurring type of poker event happens that negatively impacts their ability to win a hand, or is perceived as such. Example, a continual barrage of crap Hold'em cards that one decides to never play, but when the flop hits that folded crap, Angry Poker may result. Another example, A notorious player pulls out a hand on the river against a player more susceptible to the Angry Poker condition, therefore triggering a flare-up of said player's AP symptoms. For further information about Angry Poker, contact your local Angry Poker Anonymous chapter, or consult the following resources:
www.apaa.org |
I can't believe it! One bad beat, then another! I slam down my cards! The game is Hold'Em. I raise my pocket Aces. Dennis gets his flush. Let's play Pass the Trash. Ron carefully sorts his hand. Time to take a smoke. Look, another Deuce. Damn! I'm the bring-in again! I slam down my chip. Ace, two, three and four. Then I just get worthless bricks. Alas! I have no low. I have no Full House. It's time to raise five dollars And bluff my ass off. Let's put Mike on tilt. Pineapple with a Twist, and Omaha are played. I think he's bluffing. Guess he had it after all. Must buy in again. You show your hole cards. Gee, that was all well hidden. You frickin' bastard. It's a known fact that No one can escape from the Dreaded pizza curse. Dennis wins again. I think I got him this time. Dennis wins again. Look at my winnings! My trough is overflowing! I wish it were so. Pocket Aces should Be raised, except when Kevin Holds pocket Sevens. Eleven straight wins! This streak must be negated. Who will stop this fiend? Pizza, cards and fun. What could be better than this? Is it Tuesday yet? |
Cactus Kev's PASS THE TRASH axioms...
- When you finally make a perfect low, all other players will drop except for one other player, who is going high.
- If you make a perfect low, and other potential low hands are staying with you, you will wind up with 1/6 of the pot.
- If you make a small Full House, someone else will have a higher one.
- If you make a high Full House, someone else will have Four-of-a-Kind.
- If you make a Four-of-a-Kind, someone else will have a higher one.
- If you have JJJ7(3) and your sole opponent is showing QQ66(?), you will inevitably declare incorrectly. If you declare high, you will lose to a Full House. If you declare low, you will lose to Two Pair.
- Just after folding your non-perfect low hand, the player you were scared of (showing A2) will turn over another Ace.
- If you have to break up your perfect low on the initial pass, you will inevitably choose the wrong card to pass.
11/14/01 12:18pm - from Kevin my apologies for last night's outburst. i was lookin' for a cat to kick, that's for sure. just checked the stats. looks like ron took everyone's money anyway. during my long painful drive home afterwards, i tried to rationally look at the hand that put me on tilt. Ron: obviously going low Kevin: (T K) Q x Mike: (? ?) 9 8 At this point, there was some betting, but I can't remember the amounts or who raised. Ron: obviously going low Kevin: (T K) Q x J Mike: (? ?) 9 8 5 At this point, I'm showing 20 up, and Mike has 22. There are no red Aces to be seen anywhere. I calculate that if Mike indeed has both red Aces in the hole, then he has 44 total, vs. my 40 total. Mike bets, I call, Ron raises, Mike raises, I call, Ron re-raises, Mike re-raises, and I freeze it. If I don't get some help on the next card, I'm folding. I put Mike on a red Ace, and at least another red card, possibly the other red Ace. Ron: obviously going low Kevin: (T K) Q x J 6 Mike: (? ?) 9 8 5 x Okay, Mike gets a brick and I get a Six. Now I have 46 total, and the best Mike can have even with two red Aces for hole cards is 44. I must make him pay for seventh street. I bet, Ron raises, Mike calls, I re-reraise, Ron re-raises, and now Mike freezes. Crap. My feeling of impending doom tells me that I'm gonna get bricked again and Mike will catch a card. Just like before with Graham and I. Well, this game wouldn't be my bane, if I didn't get a brick, and Mike pulls a red Nine. Now he's got me by five on his up cards. I go ballistic and hurl my cards as weapons. Now, let's think about this rationally. Mike has me beat by five on what he's showing. I have 20 in the hole. If Mike has 16 or higher in the hole, he wins. A 15 in the hole means a tie. Anything lower, and I win. I peg him for at least one red Ace, due to his betting, and the fact that none are visible. That gives him at least 11 in the hole. All he needs is a red Four or higher, and he's got either half or all of the high hand pot. If I had decided not to fold, the betting would have went like this: Mike bets, I call, Ron raises, Mike re-reraises, I call (I can't freeze yet), Ron and Mike re-raises again, and then I freeze it. That's another $25 from me, just to see Mike's cards. Sure, I could be sneaky and raise myself, to try to keep the max bet to $20. (i.e. Mike bets, I raise, Ron raises, Mike raises, and THEN I can freeze it at $20). Of course, Ron may be a dick and just call after me, allowing Mike and him to get in those extra bets. Who knows. Anyway, I'd be interested in knowing what others might have done at that point, had they not been in super-ballistic-angry-poker mode. Is it worth $25 to see if Mike has less than 15 hole points? If we tie at 15, I lose money. If he has more than 15, I lose money. The only way I win is on a 14 or lower, and his betting style doesn't seem to support that, at least IMO. It sounded like Mike showed his cards after I stormed off, and from what I gathered from Ron, it appears that had I stayed, I would have beaten him. Did you have a red Ace, Mike, and that's all? oh well. everybody's gotta have some games they don't like, and I think Red-Black Push just beat out Pass-the-Trash for my least favorite. And "Suffecool" is a close contender. In closing: I hate Red Black Push. I will not play it again. Well, maybe once more. We're on seventh street. Black for me and red for Mike. How I hate this game. This game has burned me More times than any other. Where's that cat to kick? I'm up thirty bucks. The game Red Black Push is called. Now I'm down thirty.